Kidnykid's Full Review: Sue William Silverman - Because I Remember Terror,...
I used the title of Sue William Silverman's other book, Love Sick, in the title advisedly. There are many experts in the field of sexual addiction - led by the man who put the field on the map, Patrick Carnes, PhD - who believe strongly that sexual addiction has its roots in incest and other forms of sexual abuse. In other words, those who were sexually abused - Sue William Silverman among them - are at that much higher risk of being sexual addicts. In fact, they are at much higher risk of becoming addicted to sex than they are of being abusers themselves, in my opinion.
Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You recounts Silverman's experiences as a victim of abuse. Because she describes her sexual addiction in Love Sick, she merely glosses over that aspect of her life here. But the roots of that addiction are described here in painful detail.
Her father, a prominent attorney who argued at least one crucial case before the US Supreme Court, was an abusive father who made her perform sex acts on him which I will not describe here. Suffice it to say that he demanded progressively more sexual involvement from her until he finally "gets it all" from Sue. And it seems, simply from reading the book, that similar acts are not demanded from Sue's sister; at least the sister does not tell Sue of whatever experiences she may have had with their father.
His wife, and Sue's and her sister's mother, made her own choices. She pleaded a lack of opportunity for women. Granted, divorce was a big no-no in their circles, even for women married to alcoholic men, but there were divorced women out there in Real World Land even back then. Sue Silverman was aware of the fact that divorce was just starting to become acceptable in certain circles when she was a child, and rightly points out that it was her mother's choice to remain in the relationship rather than make the leap of faith required to divorce her husband.
In the end, Silverman rightly points out that we all have choices. She illustrates this point by contrasting her own behavior toward her niece and nephew with her father's incestuous treatment of her. She realizes that she, too, has a choice as an adult; she can repeat her father's behavior with her niece, nephew and perhaps other relatives, or she can protect her niece and nephew from predation, incest and other dangers until they are old enough to protect themselves.
For me, the worst fault of this book is Silverman's tendency to drift. The initial paragraph of a chapter might talk about her father's death. Then, she spends the rest of the chapter talking about something utterly unrelated to that topic, to the point at which one wonders just what she is talking about.
However, this book is well worth buying if only to find a sense of freshness and immediacy in a story of incest. Most memoirs are told in the first person singular, past tense. Silverman uses the first person singular, present tense, to draw us into the illusion that we are right there in the bedroom with her and her father as he is violating her right to innocence.
Those who have already read Love Sick might want to read this book as well, to fill in the gaps in Silverman's other writings. These two books are to be understood as companion volumes, and I recommend reading both of Silverman's books together.
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