Offering free magazine subscriptions for registering at a site that was also typically free was one of the strangest marketing ploys of the heady days of the Wild Wild Web. I understand the temptation to offer the magazine as a premium in order to build traffic and capture email, but I honestly cannot remember the names of the sites with these offers. I can tell you that my postman is unhappy. We started no less than six yearlong subscriptions in the course of two months, and here come the renewal notices.
Mind you, we already subscribed to a half-dozen or so periodicals, so we ended up with a lot of former trees in our living room and library. Some were even, heaven forbid, weeklies. By the time sites were still offering these premiums, Kalynda and I had exhausted our list of magazines we wanted to read. Our entertainment fix was already covered by Rolling Stone and Entertainment Weekly, but we were down to the choice of Downspout Monthly: A Look At Rainfall Management and Us Weekly. Unfortunately, we thought we knew everything about gutters and downspouts.
A Glossy National Enquirer Sans The Rebirth Of Hitler
Gossip lays at the core of Us. The magazine struggles to be a more hip People and instead reads like a sanitized National Enquirer. A layout and editorial change several months ago actually increased the gossip ratio and began focusing even more coverage on beauty tips and idle celebrity chitchat. Beauty tips have their place in this world, but these aren’t even of the Cosmo or Glamour variety. Instead, you’ll read about how stars are now using less makeup and getting away with it. Well, yes, they’re stars. How do normal people do so?
(Important notice – Kalynda uses hardly any makeup and still looks just dandy to me. She does not need to read this article, and our couch has grown lumpy enough through children’s abuse to make it unsuitable for sleeping)
I certainly don’t mind celebrity gossip, but Us dedicates an entire page in every issue to minutiae presumably phoned in by witnesses. The reader is thus able to learn scintillating facts such as Heather Locklear purchased $58 worth of tanktops with built in bras at some Hollywood store and Jackie Chan (“dressed in a loosely fitting white shirt and khaki pants”) was buying six travel pillboxes for $5 each at a store in Toronto.
When I read gossip, I want to read about Patrick Ewing at Atlanta’s Gold Club or Mariah Carey melting down again or someone falling off the wagon and making off with someone else’s significant other. You know, the salacious stuff. But shopping lists and sightings? Sorry, but there is not enough time remaining in my life to waste on such trivialities.
Dressing According To Mr. Rickles
My favorite feature is Fashion Police, a two page spread where a panel of “top cops” – mostly radio personalities and second tier comedians – write scathing one liners about pictures of outrageous celebrity outfits that week. Yes, the outfits are often eccentric, but the piece is usually good for one laugh-out-loud line each issue, as well as giving more than its share of chuckles. Oh, how we mundanes enjoy knocking down the glamorous! Attempting to balance this viciously cynical piece is the “Look of the Week”, wherein the panel happily coos at a nice looking, well dressed celebrity.
Other regular features include an events section (who married, who divorced, who is in rehab) and a quotes section called Loosetalk. Both are standard gossip/celeb fare, but are fun to read in case you missed the little news items buried in your newspaper’s style section.
Recycle Press Releases With A Dash Of Interview
The main stories in each issue remind me of old press release, public knowledge and some rehashed history. A fresh quote or two is often available, and there are the occasional interviews, but most of the magazine reads like warmed over hype. That said, Us will sometimes release its death grip on the Tom Cruises of the world to focus on the supporting cast and other lesser known celebs. When doing so, even the brief history lessons are welcome.
Beyond that, however, there’s not very much original material here.
US? How About You; I’ll Be Busy
The cover price is $2.99 and subscription rates can often be had for $35 or so for 52 issues. That’s not a bad price, but you can do better with other magazines and at better pricing. I’ll read this for free and might even subscribe at a much lower rate. For $35, however, I’m adding a more niche oriented, better written magazine to my periodical list. I may just take pity on my letter carrier, though, and drop the whole thing. Besides, there always is a spare issue or two littering every waiting room I visit.
Pass this one by unless you’re a celebrity news junkie and must triangulate your data.
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